XPolice say 21-year-old Marissa Doyle was arrested late Saturday night after what authorities called “one of the most unnecessarily creative breakups we’ve ever seen.”

Police say 21-year-old Marissa Doyle was arrested late Saturday night after what authorities called “one of the most unnecessarily creative breakups we’ve ever seen.”


According to the report, Marissa admitted she slept with her ex-boyfriend’s cousin “to remind him that loyalty runs in the family — just not his side.” The ex found out, blocked her, and told mutual friends he was “done with her circus.”



Marissa responded by creating an entirely new circus.


At approximately 11:20 p.m., neighbors reported loud banging, dragging noises, and what one described as “the sound of a crazy person doing construction alone.”


When officers arrived, they found Marissa inside her ex’s apartment, having climbed through the doggy door despite being 5’7” and absolutely too tall for it.


Inside, she had:


super-glued his Xbox controller to the ceiling,


glued his sneakers upside down above the bedroom door,


glued the remote to the wall,


glued his shampoo bottles to the underside of the sink,


and was in the process of gluing his wallet to the fridge.


When confronted, she calmly told officers:


“Everything in his life is upside down now — just like he made mine.”


Her ex arrived minutes later, saw his belongings hanging like modern art, and screamed:


“MARISSA, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?!”


She turned around and said:


“Interior design. But emotional.”


When he told officers she wasn’t supposed to be there, Marissa laughed, tossed the glue stick into the air, and said:


“Well I WAS supposed to be with your cousin — and that didn’t stop me either.”


The cousin allegedly texted her “you’re insane pls don’t text me again” while she was being handcuffed.


As officers escorted her out, Marissa shouted:


“CHECK THE FREEZER — I LEFT A SURPRISE!”


They did.

She had glued a single slice of pepperoni pizza to the freezer ceiling.

Marissa was arrested for burglary, vandalism, and criminal mischief.

A neighbor told police:

“Honestly, if she wasn’t dangerous, I’d hire her to redecorate.”

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